Walk on…

Well, 45 days have come and gone….I did what I set out to do!  40 days of juice fast with the Dr. Schulze’s Incurables cleansing program, and an additional 5 days of water fasting (why not?).  I have been eating food for about 10 days, slowly starting with smoothies, then soup, then cooked veggies, and now am eating fruits, vegetables, small amounts of meat and fish, oils, and salt.  My hunger switch has definitely turned on on on and it’s fun to be eating again.

The big new is- I haven’t used my cane in 3 weeks!!!  I haven’t crawled, or been carried, or gotten stuck….not since day 2 of my water fast. Yahhhooooo! I am certain that enormous healing has taken place…..a healing that is still continuing.  I have very little energy during the days, and still spend much of the day in bed with my eyes closed, too exhausted to do anything else, but when I’m up, everything moves normally!!  That’s got to be good, no?

I experienced a major decongestion phase during the fast, beginning around day 35… the symptoms nor process were fun, but I can breathe better than I have in years.  My ears, lungs, sinuses, and surely my entire body, has rid itself of lots of gunk, and good riddance.  I like to think that my brain was covered with this gobbly gook and couldn’t function properly (because that’s exactly what felt like it was decongesting).  With that thought in mind, I now dedicate this theme song to Lee, who lovingly listened to every sorted cleansing story of mine during our tropical evening sunsets- Ween , Help Me Scrape the Mucus Off My Brain.

I have returned to Guanajuato, back from my very pleasant and incredibly supportive beach retreat on the Mexican coast (Present Moment Retreat) …and I am constantly having to remind myself (now back in the ‘real world’) that my healing process is still in full swing, and that my program continues.  The wellness staff (and all of the staff!) at Present Moment was so wonderful and talented, and through them I have learned and been re-inspired towards many healing modalities.  So these days I am resting, eating well, and still drinking lots of juice, but also doing Healing Qigung, Yoga Nidras, Yoga movement, and a meditation practice everyday….working from the inside out.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t feeling a little impatient, lying around all day.  But all this time inside my mind has been a crucial and fascinating part of my healing journey, and will continue to be, as I integrate my inner learning into every moment and action of the day.  I have been re-reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle (this time in Spanish!) and have been re-reminded of The Work of Byron Katie…both extraordinary teachings for being present in the here and now, and ending resistance to reality or ‘what is’.  I have been busy during all this bed time, watching my thoughts and emotions and reactions like a movie, realizing how crazy (and how unhealthy!!) they really are, and then kindly un-doing them, un-attaching to them, and slowly un-identifying with all of it.

There is nothing like illness to kick you into the present moment, making the past and certainly the future irrelevant.  But also there is nothing like illness to make you want to run from the present, the pain, the boredom, the reality of the life you find yourself living and towards towards the refuge of hope, dreams, memories and stories.  But I have chosen to dwell in the present now, instead of separating from it in dislike and fear. I will take it as it comes, without calling it good or bad, happy or frustrating…and love it all.  I will again remain deeply rooted inside my body, instead of separated, distracted, and frustrated with it for what it can’t do….because if I’m not here living my life, and dwelling inside my skin, then who is?

With this deep dwelling, more than juice or cleansing or the moving of Qi, I will infuse my body and my heart again with the spirit of life.  I will be living fully, vibrantly I dare say.  And then, the outcome ceases to matter.  (Though, admittedly, I would still love to be hiking in the mountains by my 40th birthday….enlightened or not.  Call me stubborn.)

So the journey continues.  And I am walking this path, dammit, with all my heart, and both feet on the ground.

To all of you who walk beside me….you have my deepest gratitude and love.

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2 Responses to Walk on…

  1. Jodi says:

    I love you. I love you. I love you.

  2. Coby says:

    Everyone at Present Moment misses you, and that’s not something we normally do ;) You were an inspiration to many of us… you set out to fix your vehicle on your own and you stuck to your plan, which was not easy! The support you received from us was energetically returned by the incredible light that you cast on all those you meet. “There are people who you unknowingly inspire, not by what you do, but just by being you.” Thank you for the inspiration, support, and friendship. We hope you visit us again soon. May your vehicle continue to improve and may you be on a peak for your fourtyith, if not physically than spiritually.

    Con mucho mucho amor,
    Your PMR Family

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